A Guide by Carly Valancy

Send the Scary Email

How to reach out to someone who feels out of your league

15 minutes · one person · one send

It's time to finally hit send.

There is someone out there you'd love to connect with, but the thought of actually reaching out makes you want to vom.

So you don't. You'll do it when you're more established. When you have something to offer.

Guess what, you will never feel ready. But the message you send today could change the trajectory of your entire career.

I know this because every single opportunity I've had, from my career as a performer through my pivot into tech came from one thing: reaching out to people before I felt ready to.

This guide is going to help you do one thing and one thing only: send a message to one person who feels out of your league. It will take about 15 minutes. You will be nervous. But I am here with you. Your shaman of sorts.

ok let's go.

Step 1

Pick Your Person

Time: 3 minutes

Don't overthink this. You probably already know who it is. But if you're staring at this page going "I have no idea," here are some prompts:

Think about someone who...

...has created a product you admire
...has written something that changed how you think
...has the career or lifestyle you're building toward
...would be a dream collaborator, client, or mentor
...you'd reach out to if you were delusional

Pick someone who makes you a little nervous. If you're not at least slightly intimidated, you're playing it too safe.

My person

Why them

How are you reaching out?

Step 2

Write the Email

Time: 7 minutes

You're not pitching, you are planting a seed. You're cracking the door open for something that might happen in 1 month, 1 year, or 5 years. You don't need to know what it is yet. You just need to reach out.

Type directly in the template below. Click the purple hints to replace them with your words. When you're done, hit grab it to copy.

To:

Subject:

hello [person you deeply admire],

[how you know about their work and why you are obsessed with it. share a few specific examples of how this person has influenced you.]

[one sentence about yourself / your work / or what you're excited about.]

I'm not sure I'm ready yet, but one day, I'd love to [work at your company, speak on your podcast, collaborate on xyz, it could be anyyyything.]

I'm reaching out today to plant a seed for the future. I really look forward to connecting when the time comes. until then, I'm excited to continue [reading, sharing, listening] and following your work.

[your name]

Want to make your email truly unignorable? Read this.

Step 2

Write the DM

Time: 7 minutes

You're not pitching, you are planting a seed. You're cracking the door open for something that might happen in 1 month, 1 year, or 5 years. You just need to reach out.

Type directly in the message below. Click the purple hints to replace them with your words. When you're done, hit grab it to copy.

their name

Direct message

hey [name]! [how you know about their work and how it has impacted you. be specific!]

[one sentence about yourself / or what you're excited about.]

Now may not be the time, but one day, I'd love to [insert dream collaboration idea, work together, be on your podcast, etc.]

just wanted to plant a seed for the future. excited to continue following your work.

type directly in the bubble above

Want to make your message truly unignorable? Read this.

Step 3

Send It

You're going to want to edit it seventeen more times. You'll wonder if the subject line is weird. You'll worry you sound desperate.

The fear is a sign that something matters.

1Read it one final time. Fix any typos.
2Take one deep breath.
3Hit send.

↓

You just did something most people never will.

Oh fv*k now what

If they reply:

Don't panic. Be yourself. You don't need to escalate into a meeting or a pitch. The important thing now is that the door is open. And you did that!

If they don't reply:

The point was to practice being the kind of person who reaches out. Who doesn't wait until they feel ready. Who plants seeds without knowing what will grow. You are building a muscle. Today was rep one.

Most people think about reaching out and save the idea for later. You actually did it. That matters more than you think.

If sending this one email felt powerful, imagine what happens when you make this a consistent practice. When you have a community of people doing it alongside you. When reaching out stops feeling scary and starts feeling like your secret weapon.

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